As always happens, you’ll want to listen to this as I don’t stick to the following as a “script” — except that I really mean in this time. How’s that for keeping it real? Just listen.
Her name was Rachel.
I’m not quite sure why I remember that. The thing I’m about to share with you happened about 30 years ago. But even though this is my story, I hope you will hear out the points that follow.
Rachel was a gal I dated exactly twice. I was smitten. She was cute, we had wonderful conversations, and I was very much looking forward to continuing getting to know her.
There was just this one little problem.
As we got to her house at the end of our second date, she turned the conversation to my faith. As in, ‘did I have a relationship with Jesus.’
I don’t remember what I said, but I do remember the context. I told her about growing up with two parents who were both preachers’ kids, that I’d gone to church a lot in my younger years, blah blah blah. The truth is that I believed the story in terms of assenting to its truth.
But she knew better. She had a real relationship with Jesus – which means not just assenting to the truth claims of Christianity, but trusting him as Lord and Savior with my heart. And Jesus being Lord of my life would have meant he was Lord, as in King, not in lip service and lobbing some prayer up once in awhile like he’s a cosmic vending machine, but as in “I’m not the king of my own life.”
But I was, at that point, trying to be king.
And Rachel said she couldn’t see me anymore.
The crazy thing is, I knew she was right.
I knew she was right because I grew up in a household where mom was a Christian and dad was not. Mom did her best to read us kids Bible stories and take us to church. I remember saying at eight years old that I wanted to be baptized, but it never happened. The truth is I didn’t know what the Gospel was — that I needed not just to believe, but to repent, or turn from my junk and toward Jesus.
But about 13 things changed. Dad always did something else on Sunday morning. He was the kind of dad that always included me – a fact for which I’ll be eternally grateful. In this case, though, when I decided that going golfing, fishing, hunting, bowling, or whatever dad was doing, that sounded like a lot more fun than going to church.
Fast forward ten years…my hair’s long, I’m playing in rock bands and pursuing sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll with equal fervor. Along the way I made some horrific mistakes, perhaps the most grievous of which was wrapped up in being a willing party to an abortion…taking the life of a child of whom I was the father. It took another ten years before I finally came to the end of myself and the bankruptcy of trying to be king of my own life. And I got baptized, this time for real, and have been a Jesus follower since.
The point of sharing some of my story is that I can only imagine how my life might have been different if my dad had been a Christian. To be sure, Christian parents don’t ensure children leaning to really love and trust Jesus. But there is something to recognizing that God, who created the cosmos out of nothing, might have something to say about what’s best for us.
In my mom’s words, she’d tell me I should never date someone I would never marry. I thought I was smarter than she was.
But the problem was mine, not hers.
You see, in the Bible there’s this weird verse in Paul’s second letter to the church in Corinth where he teaches the Christians there what it means to be a representative of Jesus. He even draws on some of the Old Testament imagery of what it means to be clean or holy…reminding the Corinthians that when they became Christians, they’re seen white as snow by a God who can’t allow sin into his presence. We know this is because we are filled with the holy spirit and we, as believers, are destined to literally be the bride of the great bridegroom, Jesus. So Paul asks the Corinthians a few rhetorical questions…what fellowship does light have with darkness? What agreement does Jesus have with a demon? His whole point is in chapter 6 verse 14: “Don’t become partners with those who do not believe.” Some of you might remember the old King James language that drew on the image of oxen…don’t be unequally yoked. Why? Well, what happens if one ox is pulling and the other’s stuck or lame?
Paul’s talking about a spiritual reality, of course. And his heart is that of a loving dad wanting protection and honor for his kids.
I don’t know if my own story would have turned out different. I might have ended up in the same flat-out rebellion anyway. But I can tell you that I grew up in a household that had its share of reeeeeally tough times because my parents were, as it were, unequally yoked. I’ve seen firsthand the utter strife that happens even when two people love each other.
Because there is nothing more foundational than the fact that marriage is a spiritual union first and foremost. And crazy enough, it’s first purpose isn’t for our happiness, it’s for our holiness. As Paul wrote the church in Ephesus, it literally models Christ and the church, and what does Jesus want? What fellowship can light have with darkness? To the Corinthians, Paul wasn’t writing about marriage specifically, but the principle applies. Because the most intimate thing you will ever do in marriage isn’t have sex…it’s the melding of two spirits into one.
Crazy enough, my mom was right. And Rachel was right.
The good news – and credit to my mom trying to teach us about Jesus growing up – I knew they were right. The bad news is that I was unwise. Silly me…I thought I knew better than the loving God of the universe what was good for me. I thought I knew better; thought I was in control. You may never make the stupid mistakes I made. I really hope you don’t. But the question is whether or not God is… is… what?
You’ve heard me say it many times on this podcast – is “Who gets to be God?” And if God does, and you want all the awesomesauce that comes from a killer relationship with him, then my question to you is, “Are you going to trust him enough to do what he says you should?” Not because it’s about following rules, but because he himself said, ‘If you love me, your love-response will look like what I’ve told you to do. The question is whether or not I’m your first love, because anything less is going to eventually leave a hole in your heart.’
I wish I’d fallen in love with him long before I did. And I hope you fall in love with him like Rachel who loved him more than she liked me…I hope you fall that much in love with him. He loves you and wants what’s best for you.
ForTheHope is a daily audio Bible + apologetics podcast and blog. We’ve got a passion for just keepin’ it real, having conversations like normal people, and living out the love of Jesus better every single day.
Roger Courville, CSP is a globally-recognized expert in digitally-extended communication and connection, an award-winning speaker, award-winning author, and a passionately bad guitarist. Follow him on Twitter -- @RogerCourville and @JoinForTheHope – or his blog: www.forthehope.org.
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